Amanda is...doubting the existence of anything...

I am doubting the existence of anything

including goodwill towards men.

well, i guess it DOES exist...
to men like YOU, YOU
who hurt me in so many ways unimagined
who
strangles my heart
and chokes my vision

even with the distortion that impairs my reactions
i
can still feel the slow incineration
by which i am burning

still i am unable to grasp those HUGE concepts
such as

constellations
and stars
and the inky night sky

or the existence of a thing that cares
about either of those.

since you've told me
over
and
over
and
over
and over
and over
and over
and over and over and over and over and over
and over again

that what i have to say is unimportant to you i say

fuck you

fuck you for ruining the one thing that was saving me

fuck you for closing your mind just when it should be opening

fuck you for reminding me of why i HATED men
why i couldn't stand MEN
and why i never wanted to be in a relationship with another person.

because you...
you're far too weak to see the truth in yourself,
all too weak to face the darkness that you've been blessed to avoid.

you're too weak to really see who and what you are
and you're surely spared this darkness because that deity you worship
is a male, too.

because apparently only GOD knows
THAT man is far too weak to be with a woman.

so that must make me GOD.