Just wanted to say

I don't have much to say right now that isn't totally incriminating
but
happy new year
and a happy new lease on life to everyone.

and kassy said to me when we were both flying
well
maybe it's ok to end up in lagrange or a place like fort wayne
because if it's a true love between you
those sparks in your tummy will come
and he will be exactly what you need

and im wondering why i can't get my mind off the future with my past
and im wondering how with my past
i can look at the future and not cry

knowing how FUCKED life is
how FUCKED it is that i wear the stigma
how FUCKED it is that even when I need her most
my best friend chooses against it.

BUT
let me say
that today is a new day.
each day i live - new day.
and as adam told me,
i've missed YOU amanda
and IIIIII (you) is back

I am myself,
inhabiting this body so much stronger and fully than before

like in angela's prose last year
i was just renting
but now i've decided to put up the drapes in the body of my life

and when my skin will say survivor like a quiet whisper of strength from under my clothes
and my heart speaks words of strength in a calm even voice with unquivering chin
and my mind lets itself wander without a leash
and my body doesn't deny itself the freedom of being in a true state of feeling
when i stop taking the drugs that restrain myself

i am actually the most hindered
when i have no cuffs to stop my wayward hand

2007 brought a new story
just like every other girl in the history of...MAN...
i trusted a boy
(instead of a man)
and got my heart busted.
big whoop, im not special
and god knows
neither is he.