Comment on a different blog

In college, I wrote a paper discussing the evolution of rape law from the time when women were seen as owned by men, to the then current time (about 2001). It took me a long time to come up with a conclusion, because even though the basic law had been changed and restructured 3 times... it still didn't work in practical application. After thinking about this a long time I had the disturbing realization that each and every drafting of the law, from a hundred plus years ago, to today, had the same basic flaw. Each one assumed that consent to have sex had to be taken away... but never that it had to be given in the first place. Essentially, the end result was that consent was implied until the woman took it away using a specific action (saying no, resisting, etc). And while its a good thing to have a law where consent can be given, then later taken away if someone changes their mind, I find it highly disturbing that consent does not actually ever have to be given to begin with. The notion that in our society, every man has an implied right to have sex with me unless or until I take it away is seriously scary. Women should have to give that right, not take it away.


WOW

My question

Is this...

Daniel,
Would you like to fall in love with someone who would like to fall in love with you?

Question

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQnKBWkk_4M


She woke from a dream
Her head was on fire
Why was he so nervous?

He took her to the park
She crossed her arms
And lowered her eyelids

Someday somebody's gonna ask you
A question that you should say yes to
Once in your life
Maybe tonight I've got a question for you

She'd had no idea
Started to cry
She said in a good way

He took her by the hand
Walked her back home
They took the long way

Someday somebody's gonna ask you
A question that you should say yes to
Once in your life
Maybe tonight I've got a question for you
I've got a question for you...

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

I hate Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

It's another reason for people to pity me, to offer me what they think is help and support but is really just nosy bullshit because they want drama.

It's another month where I have to face the fact that I was sexually assaulted and it has forever changed me.

It's another month where, every day, some flyer is posted in the bathroom about who to call if you are assaulted, or what movie to see, or what group to join to help make yourself safer.

Listen, people. Good and hard.

Don't ever ask me to explain myself or my experience to you. I would rather knock your teeth out with my left hook.
Fuck off, mind your own business.

I hate April.

As a Result of Crying

To begin -

Fear.
As you well may know,
but others may not,
I am desperately afraid
of being alone
being unloved
being unlovable.

Afraid that
so many things
have conspired against me
ever having another loving relationship.

and that's really the only time I cry
when I think about the love
I have lost
love that has not even
stepped into my path
or rang my doorbell
or looked me in the eyes

love whose lips I have not tasted
love whose kisses I have not stood up under
and said,
pour down on me
rain down kisses from your lips
to my face

because i am hoping
they will never stop

what i fear more than
never having love
is that I have love
and am clumsy and stupid
and know not how to make it grow
how to capture your eyes
and bring them only to know mine

what i fear more than never having love
is how vibrant and beautiful
we could make our love to be

what i fear more than never having love
is that I am falling in love with you
even though I've told myself over and over again
not to fall
not to trip
not to even see you

you.
can see through me.
i hate it.
you can see
that i love you
that i need you
that every time you kiss me it brings me
thismuchcloser
to breaking my heart
and i hate it.

why, if you see
how you might hurt me,
do you still continue
to kiss me?

Brittani's Words

“Lost At Sea”

The water sparkles,
Reflecting the sun like a mirror
Made of cracked glass

When the sun sets,
The moonlight will become confetti
Sprinkled upon the waves

I walk the beach alone at night
I wait until the sun rises

Then, I return home
And crawl into bed
Alone—always alone now

This day,
Like all others before it,
There are no ships in the harbor.

________________

“The Elements”

Took some time away from life
To really find myself
Took your suggestion to heart
And found a way to calm my anger.

Do you know what I found?

I am like the earth
Grounded—
Immovable in my entire being,
But still capable of being shaken.

I am like the air
Ever present—
Always there for those that need me,
Though, I may be moved with the wind
I will never leave you completely.

I am like fire
Wild—
Incapable of being fully tamed
I have the potential to destroy
But, when cared for, I provide warmth
However, if mistreated or unattended
I will burn out of control.

I am water
Flowing—
Ever changing shape and location.

My spirit will not be broken.

____________________

“Shadows”

Shadows exist between light and dark
A sort of gray area
That the light would burn away and expose
Or the dark would consume from sight

You are an enigma
You show only what you wish to reveal
All else remains veiled
I do not know what you are
But, I think you are a shadow.

______________________
Haiku

Compressing all thoughts
Into three very short lines
Proves most difficult.

What now can we learn?
Nature is most beautiful
I see you in it.

Hope for renewal
Like the wishing well gone dry
I wait for the rain.

Do not cry for me
Your tears are far more precious
Than any ocean.

Holding in your breath
You now exhale with a sigh
I hear your silence.

Would you stop the world?
Would you let me save myself?
For me, would you wait?

Careless and clumsy
The knife cuts into my palm
The river runs red.

For you, David.

Wow. What an awesome blog - I'll be checking in on this daily now.
I read somewhere in the comments or the blog that this is really just about letting women know that they don't have to stick to the standards of what is "beautiful" as decided by society (men AND women).
Thought I could share a story that would explain why I personally have given up maintaining an ideal look for a man.
For almost a year, I dated a man I was very happy with. His name was David and we were great friends and possibly could have been very happy together for a long time. However, about six months into our relationship, he bought me a book, "Full Frontal Feminism".
After reading it, I realized the sickening blindness that was overtaking my life.
David came from a very wealthy family, and he was used to getting things his way. He liked his women to look just so, just as his mom looked for his dad everyday. He didn't like them to act "unnatural" or so he claimed. He treated me to diamonds, expensive dinners, and so on as long as I kept playing my part in his little game.
He had stupid silly demands:
My toenails and fingernails had to match in color and never chip.
My hair and makeup had to be done every day.
I had to wear nice things out to dinner with him - I mean nice....
I had to shave my pubic hair. Never mind the fact that when I shave my underarms or pubic area, I always (and I have tried everything, guys) get unbearably painful bumps that last for days, as well as ingrown hairs...
When he decided to go on a diet midway through our relationship, I had to go on one with him.
After we broke up, he asked me just how much weight I had gained when we were together.
....
Yeah, I dated THAT guy.

Since then, I've not only allowed myself freedom in my appearance, but in my lifestyle. Without a boyfriend, I don't feel guilty going out every night with my friends and never picking up my phone when it rings. I don't plan on ever being married, although I think it can be a great choice for others. I am going to travel through Europe and Asia after I graduate because I can and I want to. I've not only abandoned standards of beauty, but of lifestyle as well. While most of my friends are looking to settle down, I don't feel as if I've gotten nearly rowdy enough to have anything to settle to!!!!
If I don't wear makeup, so what? If I choose not to wear "pretty" clothes that show off my tits, so what? If I always wear flipflops with my toenails unpainted or chipped, who cares? I see men doing the same all the time.
And, since David and I broke up, I've found someone much better in my life. He loves me, is always there for me, and knows that I need my space as much as he does. That's why we're not officially dating. I always know he will be there, but I don't need him and he doesn't need me and that's what keeps us strong. He sees me without makeup, in sweatpants, all the time and still rolls over in the middle of the night to kiss my face because he sees my true beauty.
I hope everyone finds a man like him!

99th post

See my page at the Age Project

Molasses

I'd lick you off a spoon
like molasses in my mouth

you're stuck to me
nothing but sweat in between
as you pull me again
into those inviting arms

it's afternoon,
the sun still high
i can't get you
off my mind

ooh baby...

id lick you off a spoon
like molasses in my mouth
id keep you in my smile
as we slowly take it south.

when i asked you
to slowly love on me
i never knew it would take so long...

oh but baby
i'd never needed this more...

id lick you off a spoon
like molasses in my mouth
id keep you in my smile
while we slowly take it south

oh darling
i've been beside you
in bed from night to dawn

your touch and your kiss
they'd never leave me for long...

id lick you off a spoon
like molasses in my mouth
id keep you in my smile
while we slowly take it south...

Nothing Other Than Me

before tonight he lies with me
he sighs with me
my neck in his breath
my eyes in his breath
steaming up what has already been strummed

before tonight i lie with him
i sigh with him
my breath in his neck
my breath in his eyes
steaming up what I have already strummed

I am the sweat in the air
that surrounds and clouds
and he's trying to breathe
something other than me
but he can't

I'm the kind of girl...

she's the kind of girl
who lies to your eyes
who tricks and tries to please
who moves too fast to pin down

in time,
she has to take a ragged breath
a haggard day, in time.
she'll glance up to you
and see that you see

and soon enough
she will be gone
in time.

Strength and Hope Come From Sisters

It's been months
since I have seen the summer
felt the sun lap at my skin
to feed my soul
and blind me

perhaps by blinding me
the sun in the summer months
helps to me see more
in my life
in those around me
in the hope that lies within life

having seen
the darker side of things
underbellies of rocks
riverbeds, dry or wet
molehills and mountains
(but never mountaintops)

I am tired of seeing the darker side of things.

Hope resides in the rays of light
that beam down to bless my arms
as I drive into the day.

the strength to go on comes
from living through the winter

but the reason to live on comes
from that giddy sun
and its unaffectable smile-shine

The Potter

El Alfarero

Todo tu cuerpo tiene
copa o dulzura destinada a mí.

Cuando subo la mano
encuentro en cada sitio una paloma
que me buscaba, como
si te hubieran, amor, hecho de arcilla
para mis propias manos de alfarero.

Tus rodillas, tus senos
tu cintura
faltan en mí como en el hueco
de una tierra sedienta
de la que desprendieron
una forma,
y juntos
somos completos como un solo río,
como una sola arena.






The Potter

Your whole body holds
a goblet or gentle sweetness destined for
me.

When I let my hand climb,
in each place I find a dove
that was looking for me, as if
my love, they had made you out of clay
for my very own potter’s hands.

Your knees, your breasts,
your waist
are missing in me, like in the hollow
of a thirsting earth
where they relinquished
a form,
and together
we are complete like one single river,
like one single grain of sand.

The Male Privilege Checklist

1. My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favor. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed.

2. I can be confident that my co-workers won’t think I got my job because of my sex - even though that might be true. (More).

3. If I am never promoted, it’s not because of my sex.

4. If I fail in my job or career, I can feel sure this won’t be seen as a black mark against my entire sex’s capabilities.

5. I am far less likely to face sexual harassment at work than my female co-workers are. (More).

6. If I do the same task as a woman, and if the measurement is at all subjective, chances are people will think I did a better job.

7. If I’m a teen or adult, and if I can stay out of prison, my odds of being raped are relatively low. (More).

8. On average, I am taught to fear walking alone after dark in average public spaces much less than my female counterparts are.

9. If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be called into question.

10. If I have children but do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be called into question.

11. If I have children and provide primary care for them, I’ll be praised for extraordinary parenting if I’m even marginally competent. (More).

12. If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.

13. If I seek political office, my relationship with my children, or who I hire to take care of them, will probably not be scrutinized by the press.

14. My elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious and powerful the elected position, the more this is true.

15. When I ask to see “the person in charge,” odds are I will face a person of my own sex. The higher-up in the organization the person is, the surer I can be.

16. As a child, chances are I was encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters. (More).

17. As a child, I could choose from an almost infinite variety of children’s media featuring positive, active, non-stereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male protagonists were (and are) the default.

18. As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often. (More).

19. If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether or not it has sexist overtones.

20. I can turn on the television or glance at the front page of the newspaper and see people of my own sex widely represented, every day, without exception.

21. If I’m careless with my financial affairs it won’t be attributed to my sex.

22. If I’m careless with my driving it won’t be attributed to my sex.

23. I can speak in public to a large group without putting my sex on trial.

24. Even if I sleep with a lot of women, there is no chance that I will be seriously labeled a “slut,” nor is there any male counterpart to “slut-bashing.” (More).

25. I do not have to worry about the message my wardrobe sends about my sexual availability or my gender conformity. (More).

26. My clothing is typically less expensive and better-constructed than women’s clothing for the same social status. While I have fewer options, my clothes will probably fit better than a woman’s without tailoring. (More).

27. The grooming regimen expected of me is relatively cheap and consumes little time. (More).

28. If I buy a new car, chances are I’ll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car. (More).

29. If I’m not conventionally attractive, the disadvantages are relatively small and easy to ignore.

30. I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch.

31. I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called “crime” and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called “domestic violence” or “acquaintance rape,” and is seen as a special interest issue.)

32. I can be confident that the ordinary language of day-to-day existence will always include my sex. “All men are created equal,” mailman, chairman, freshman, he.

33. My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is.

34. I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don’t change my name.

35. The decision to hire me will never be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon.

36. Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is pictured as male.

37. Most major religions argue that I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me.

38. If I have a wife or live-in girlfriend, chances are we’ll divide up household chores so that she does most of the labor, and in particular the most repetitive and unrewarding tasks. (More).

39. If I have children with a wife or girlfriend, chances are she’ll do most of the childrearing, and in particular the most dirty, repetitive and unrewarding parts of childrearing.

40. If I have children with a wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we’ll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.

41. Magazines, billboards, television, movies, pornography, and virtually all of media is filled with images of scantily-clad women intended to appeal to me sexually. Such images of men exist, but are rarer.

42. In general, I am under much less pressure to be thin than my female counterparts are. (More). If I am fat, I probably suffer fewer social and economic consequences for being fat than fat women do. (More).

43. If I am heterosexual, it’s incredibly unlikely that I’ll ever be beaten up by a spouse or lover. (More).

44. Complete strangers generally do not walk up to me on the street and tell me to “smile.” (More: 1 2).

45. On average, I am not interrupted by women as often as women are interrupted by men.

46. I have the privilege of being unaware of my male privilege.