hmm...

So being in this apartment
with no one to answer to
is fantastic.
But it's also hard in its own way.

Since I have little to fill my time, I sit and think of what I need to do to improve myself.

I don't want to be the girl sitting by the phone, waiting. I have never wanted to be that girl. And I won't. I will go where my heart leads me - if that is to another country, even.

I will myself to be strong. If you'd like to be with me, that's just something about me you must understand. If I push you away, it is not because I don't care about you. It's because of my own inadequacies, my own fear of dependence, of connection. It's my fear of giving up myself that makes me keep up barriers.
Walls meant to hold myself together, but walls that (unfortunately) keep others out.

I'm sorry in advance for any pain I may cause.

And let the story be written...