This thing in my chest

this thing in my chest beats
and heats the cold ache
in my throat.

the one that swells
when you enter a room,
when you cuddle me,
when you ruffle my hair playfully

because i remember
(and ive tried to forget)
the time you ruffled my hair
and then kissed me.

you put your lips to mine
and said
i don't know
and i never will
but take this as a salve
and let yourself heal.

and i have.

now i just don't know
how to let go of the cuddles
and the kisses

so in order to maintain sanity
i will let this thing in my chest
try to swell and choke me
but i'll put a smile on my face the whole time.

healing has let me see
that when you kiss me
your lips don't tell that
your love is true.

this thing in my chest
has forced itself
where a heart should be
a heart that deserves to fly.