It's been so long and dark

It's been so long since I've written in this thing, I forgot I had it. Literally.

So here's my newest poem, and I'll be writing another today. I'll never be able to put myself and my heart and the things I see into words, but these are my best efforts at the time.

When the light is turned off, the light is gone, the light is dimmed and gone and done and has left you with yourself.
When the light is gone and left me with myself, I knew myself. I knew who I was, what I was, saw myself most clearly when the light was gone.
I saw the pit and the hole and the deep dark ocean that swallowed all me in ink and blood and milk.
The scent disgusts overwhelms hates. The ink hates the milk hates the blood hates hates hates it cooks the inside.
It boils the inside and cooks the heart, done, rough, tough.
A tough heart can't be cut, boil it you motherfucker
BOIL IN THE BLOOD

It's being naked in front of you, who will not run, will not turn, will not disappear. Hate is better than nothing. Hate is always better than anything. Hate me. Please. Look at me and hate me.

I thought he would be there, but I was so fuckin wrong, stupid, alone, BOIL IN THE BLOOD MOTHERFUCKER I FUCKING BOIL YOU

I FUCKING BOIL YOU

You weak piece of shit, weak shit, weak weak WEAK MOTHERFUCKER
the strong boil the weak, i fucking TERRIFY YOU WEAK SHIT

muscle and grit and dirt inside terrify you, grind you, grind your fucking eyes till you walk out you piece of shit.
I will grind your fucking eyes, I will boil you in the shit of my life, I will feed you to the beasts that live in my heart and my head and terrify me until they devour every part of who you used to be and what you could have been. I will boil you in the shit of my life, I will feed you to the beasts in my head.

I will FEED YOU TO THE BEASTS IN MY HEAD MOTHERFUCKER

Sass stands up, sits down, nothing. Sass - not even close. I have not spunk, not sass, not sweet, not sexy.
You're too blind to see.

You're too fucking blind to see.

Shield your eyes so they're the last to go. They will go, they will be chewed and eaten and spat and shit. The beasts will shit your eyes out and they will ruin you, your eyes will ruin you.

The beasts in me run me, ran me, ran me over. Run me over with hate and heat and greed and need and want and want and want like fucking booze and drugs and sex, i fucking need need need need to feed the beasts with all. I feed the beast with heart, boiled, boiled heart, boil it in the blood and simmer it in the ink and drown you in the milky shit of my eyes, the shit behind my eyes that you can't see in my eyes my eyes my eyes have seen the beasts and stared the beasts and fed the beasts and starved the beasts and beaten the beasts.

My eyes will eat you. My heart will reject you, motherfucker.

Stay as far away as you can possibly get, motherfucker. The beasts will boil you in my blood, my blood will erode your skin and your eyes and I will eat your eyes for snacks and pop them in my mouth like grapes, motherfucker.

I will ruin you, the beasts will ruin you, we will ruin you, because we are one and the same, we live in these eyes and we live through these eyes and we feed through these eyes and these eyes will destroy the nothing you are.

The beasts feed on the nothing. I feed on the nothingness.

I feed on the dark, the light gone. The beasts feed on the light, when it's gone. They eat and eat and eat into the black hole, the black hole eats them and they eat it and they grow in strength by eating their own tails and hearts and claws.

Chewing on claws and biting the fur and tearing the flesh and that is the beast in my eyes.

And the beast in my eyes will eat me, stronger, I will eat it, stronger, it will eat you and shit you out onto yourself, motherfucker.